I'm being a downer

2008-05-19

My feet are so tired. They hurt. I might need new shoes.

After driver's ed which was just videos today, I went to work. And stayed there forever. I am so tired of smelling like the place. I know, it could be worse. But I'm just tired.

And I start driving tomorrow afternoon. I'm trying to get Jonah's Mom to drive with me, but she's scared. So her boyfriend drove with me, but we didn't go very far. I hope what I know is enough for tomorrow.

We'll see.

So not a lot is going on at the moment. I keep yawing. Maybe I should lay down, but really I should wash clothes and clean out Madonna's litter box. And get her fresh water. Food. I think she wants to go outside. I told her no. She would be a wild cat outside.

My eyes kind of hurt, still, but no icky stuff..

I feel like I'm not keeping in touch with my friends. Not sure they want me to, anyway. I have found out that I talk about Clive too much. I only mentioned the "kid" thing once. I was shocked. Sorry. I'll try to never do it again.

Its just I have one friend who doesn't want me to talk about certain people are things around her. Well, whats the point of talking at all if all this stuff is forbidden, you know. I just don't get it.

But I can talk to Josh about anything. Thankfully. Maybe there are a few things we should prohibit from talking about. Like sex.

Anyway, he's really busy working, lately. And I'm busy. Sort of. Probably not as busy as he is. He always feels he's more busy than me. Which I don't think is true.

Its just he tends to need a lot of sleep. Where I don't. OK, maybe I should be sleeping more.

But when I'm writing...well, that's nothing to him. Its not like he's telling me not to write. Its just, its not really important. So I have come to the conclusion not to talk about it with him. Because, he looks at me as if I might crazy.

I don't know, should I have fallen in love with a poet or someone who would understand me as a writer?

I mean, the writers I've known, tend to make me feel I'm the worst writer ever. Then I'll find out later, they really did like something I've written.

Not that I think I'm the next Jane Austen or anything. I know I'm not. I'm note even Meg Cabot material, either. But still, it is this inner struggle I have with writing and having a boyfriend.

I don't know if anyone else would understand this, but I have this need to write. I'm not saying its very good what I write. But still, maybe Josh will never understand me.

He says I have all the makings of having multiple personalities. Like, I'm the one crazy. And he's the one who can sit in bed talking about this in the nude. Why does he have to be so comfortable, sometimes?

tell me a story

alex.evans